Four Eyes, One Vision

I went to two doctors the other day. I don't like to go for checkups and things, so when I have to visit for some reason, I like to kick out the jams and hammer out two in a day.

The first guy, the M.D., he took blood pressure, listened to my lungs, and checked out my throat. He found nothing wrong down there that might have been causing 10 days of soreness. (Now 13.) He swabbed for strep and told me to gargle with saltless water as hot as I could stand and take some ibuprofen or acetaminophen.

I drove home, ditched the car in a nice "Tuesday spot" (city drivers know), and walked to the second guy, the optometrist on Austin Street. He's right next door to the Gap (where I usually browse for clothes I'll later buy from OldNavy.com), two doors down from my gym, across the street from Starbucks and Barnes & Noble. I liked this optometrist’s office, so that a pretty good block, I’d say.

I liked the doc, too, he was alright! And the women working the front of the office/shop were nice, helpful, efficient, and attractive.

I explained to him why I was there: in the last two or three months I've found it necessary to hold reading material an extra inch or two away from my eyes. He asked how old I am. He laughed, and said I am right on time. He told me the eyes begin to deteriorate at 40 years old, and chuckled again, adding, “They’re only going to get worse. I promise you.” I liked this guy.

I was in one room for some machine tests, and then moved to the special chair in his office for all the lens-dialing and chart reading stuff. After a few rounds of “which looks clearer, the first one… [click]… or this second one?” I realized I needed glasses and that’s what this game was all about.

Doc confirmed this at the end of the “which one” game, when he said, “You need glasses.” He handed me the little printout thing that had all the details of my exact prescription and had me hold it about 11 inches from my eyes. I could see it just fine! The numbers were printed out so it looked like a receipt and it wasn’t hard to read at all. Glasses? Come on!

Then the doc pulled two lenses out of his drawer, lenses which match the script I need, and all of a sudden… bam. The numbers and letters snapped into tight resolution. I actually said, “Wow!”

I had no idea how unclear things have been.

I moved to the in the front of the shop and sat with a nice, helpful, efficient, and attractive woman who patiently tracked down and placed before me about a dozen frames similar to the description I gave her of what I wanted.

I picked the frames I liked best, and she cinched it for me when she told me to look at her again. I stared into her eyes and she said, “Yeah, you can really pull these off. They go with who you are. I mean, I don't know you, but... your look!”

Then she described to me all the reasons I needed to pay more for special versions of the lenses: scratch resistant fronts and backs, no glare, ones that let more light in, glass that is lighter, etc. I get the things in two weeks. I am to use them for reading, writing, web surfing; anything that requires my focus at an 8-24 inch distance.

Today's Friday 10 won't make passes at guys who wear glasses.

01 Hepar - Diamanda Galas: The album this is on, Schrei X, contains a live version and a studio version of every track; I heard the studio version of "Hepar" today. What a start to a Friday 10. If you know anything about Galas, you'll know that her voice is an instrument of divine horror. I'm a fan. I don't know why it is that I've always been interested in the fringe stuff, the work that's a little more difficult to "get at." In college, I was accused of listening to "weird music for the sake of being weird," so I stopped telling people what I listened to.

I met Galas several times, she was always pleasant and warm and obviously an intellectual superpower. Around 1987, I had a chance to sit in on a couple of her rehearsals for shows she was doing in New York. Her vocal coach was with her. (I want to say it was Katie Agresta, but I'm probably wrong, probably confusing things a bit. Possibly, it was Agresta who was Phoebe Legere's coach.)
Anyway, I recently dropped a Galas track onto mixed disk I gave friend SO'C. For the last track on his disk, I used a portion of "Wild Women with Steak-Knives (The Homicidal Love Song for Solo Scream)" from her first record, Litanies of Satan. The part I used (the whole piece is more than ten minutes long) is the playful part, that includes Galas saying "I'm not talking about meatballs, I'm talkin' about steak!" (That seems MUCH more playful on the written page, than it does assaulting your amygdala from one's iPod.) Wonder what ol' SO'C thought of that one when it came on?

02 The Vanishing Spies - Frank Black: It's hard to speak of how great the Teenager of the Year album is. It's got one of my all-time fave Frank Black/Pixies/Black Francis songs, "I Want to Live on an Abstract Plain," and the sound of it all, from beginning to end is spectacular. Makes sense, Black co-produced with the great Eric Drew Feldman, who's been in Beefheart's Magic Band and Pere Ubu, and he's produced a couple great Polly Harvey records. When Teenager of the Year came out, I was a tad removed from what was happening in popular culture, so I'm not too sure if it went over big. Do people know how great this disk is?

03 Chase The Dragon - Beasts of Bourbon: Great song from mid-career, off the mighty Low Road album. The lineup on that one was Tex Perkins (The Cruel Sea) on vocals, Kim Salmon (The Scientists, The Surrealists) and Spencer Jones (The Johnnys) on guitar, Brian Hooper (The Surrealists) on bass, and Tony Pola (The Surrealists) on drums. I think Low Road is criminally out-of-print, I can't even find you a copy on Gemm.com, but Amazon has the live album and a greatest hits. It's definitely worth owning as much Beasts stuff as you can if you're interested at all in one of the greatest influences on what became grunge here in the U.S. The Beasts are in New York next Tuesday and Wednesday at Fontanas and Crash Mansion, respectively. The venues have websites. This tour part of something called the Australian Music Collective, and it's in Austin tonight with a lineup that includes the Beasts, the Hoodoo Gurus, I Heart Hiroshima, and You Am I.

04 I Wanna Be a Drug-Sniffing Dog - Lard: I came late to the Lard party, as it were. When I finally got my act together last year, I downloaded as much as I could and I'm happy with all the songs I found. Lard is basically Jello Biafra and Al Jourgensen, plus a rotating slew of rhythm sectioneers, often other members of Ministry. "Drug-Sniffing Dog" is great. It's from Pure Chewing Satisfaction.

05 Germ-Free Adolescents - X-Ray Spex: I still listen to the Germ Free Adolescents album often. I think it's near perfect and great fun. This song has spent many days atop my personal charts. Listen to it. I think it ranks right up there with the pop perfection of "California Dreaming," "Be My Baby," and "Will You Love Me Tomorrow." The Spex gang was WAY ahead of their peers, lyrically and musically. The use of vibrato guitar here, and saxophone all over the album is genius.
Big question: The refrain of this song is "He's a germ-free adolescent / Cleanliness is her obsession / Cleans her teeth ten times a day / Scrub away scrub away scrub away / The S.R. way."
What's the S.R., and what is its "way"?

06 Back in Black - AC/DC: Side two, track one, and we all remember the first time we heard it. It starts with that high-hat and muted guitar chords that, hit together, sound almost like a small snare; the guitar drops out for two beats (and you can hear the "3...4" count in on headphones), and then the heavy articulation of two guitars, bass, and drums come in. Phil Rudd's snare is tuned down low, so it chimes with his kick drum. It is unbelievable. This song, (this album) is a medical prescription for everything that's happening in a thirteen year-old boy's life. I bought this album in August 1980, and my friend John V and I couldn't get out of Sam Goody and onto the #25 bus fast enough to get back to my room and listen to it. We sat with our fucking jaws dropped wide open for 45 minutes. It was the sound of something we felt like we already knew, or maybe something we'd been waiting for. What a great feeling, to come home with a new record and have it knock you for a loop, and exceed your expectations. Imagine that! It doesn't happen a lot. (Especially in the compact disk era, when you get two singles surrounded by 13 tracks of filler.) When I'm in CD shops or records stores, sometimes I lift some of the great ones (like Back in Black, first Dolls, Life Time, Pink Flag, Another Music) out of the racks, and try to remember that feeling of the day I bought it. Sometimes I just want to buy them again, just to feel that.

07 Stand By Me - Ben E. King: I could probably use about ten years before I hear this song again. Good song, for sure, but I've heard it one (hundred) too many times.

08 Real Wild Child - Jerry "Ivan" Allison: Most of you would know this song from Iggy's version of it in the late 80s. It was written and first performed by an Australian named Johnny O'Keefe (& the Deejays) in 1958. That same year, "Ivan" (a.k.a. Jerry Allison) recorded it. Allison played guitar for some guy named Buddy Holly. I doubt any of you have ever heard of that guy, but I'm sure you know Allison co-wrote "That'll Be The Day" and "Peggy Sue." There's this website that has a bit of information on the various cover versions and performers who've done this song, and it says that Allison's affected vocal was taking a poke at Ricky Nelson. Christ, I should turn these Friday 10s into podcasts, because you really need to hear this version.

09 Blood of the Wolf - Hamell on Trial: I dig this guy. I didn't know much about him until a friend mentioned him a few months ago. The downloads started trickling into my computer for a few days, and then came the flood. I'm still just trying to grab everything I can. Just one guy and an acoustic guitar. He's a clever songwriter and he just rips. I dropped by his website this morning and discovered that Hamell O.T. is shooting a new DVD (called The Terrorism of Everyday Life) here in NYC on Tuesday at 20:00. The venue is called Comix. Who's going with me? ("Blood on the Wolf" comes from his Live at the Living Room.)

10 T.V. Love - Simpletones: From Rodney on the ROQ. One of my favorite early L.A. punk rock tracks. Last week, Rodney Bingenheimer got a star on Hollywood Boulevard. I think those star things are bullshit, but I'm sure R.B. was happy about it, so I'm happy for him. That guy can use all the joy he can get, and he sure deserves it. He was the first guy to drop a radio station's needle on records by the Ramones, X, Germs, and a lot more of our favorites. I'm guessing the Simpletones owe a great debt to him as well. They have a myspace page, check out the song "California." Hopefully you'll like it enough to seek out more from this great band. The Beach Blvd. comp is a great place to start; trust me.

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Can Your P**** Do The Dog?: Put your mp3 player or digital jukebox on shuffle all songs. Listen to the first 10 random tracks. Type them in the comments below.

Comments

[Heath]

I'll play along, but with less virtuoso-like information and critiquing...
My 10 Today:

Godwhacker - Steely Dan, Everything Must Go
Love this song. Classic Donald Fagan lyrics about people you don't know but dearly want to...

The Thing That Should Not Be -- Metallica, Master of Puppets
Such angry focus. Super cool Lovecraftian horror-rock...

You Are What You Love -- Jenny Lewis, Rabbit Fur Coat
Love this woman, love her voice... Great Album

Sayin' it and Doin' It -- James Brown, Hell
The anthem of my life. "They're just as much different as night and day"...

Miss Darling -- Big Walter Horton, Mouth Harp Maestro
Legendary Harmonica player known for his huge hands and brutal alcoholism...

Double Clutching -- John Coltrane, Coltrane Time
Killer contrapuntal tune...

Sweet Little Girl -- Stevie Wonder, Music Of My Mind
So funky. My favorite Stevie album...

Stick It Out -- Frank Zappa, Joe's Garage
Great song; song by a robot, mostly, in German...

Speak -- Queensryche, Operation Mindcrime
My favorite concept album not called The Wall. Best track...

No Children -- The Mountain Goats, Tallahassee
So, so great. Chorus complete with "I hope you die. I hope we both die"...

[walein]

Do we get to see these "specialized" glasses on draft day or is this just a very elaborate ploy to intimidate the rest of us with your "brainiac" look?