Big Knowledge, Part 1

There's a Friday 10 at the end of this thing, I promise.

In 1994, I was dating a girl who worked night shifts; sometimes the midnight to 0800, and sometimes 1600 to midnight. Usually I'd pick her up after work and drive her to her place in Brooklyn or mine in Yonkers. One night, we stopped for takeout at the Raceway Diner on Yonkers Avenue. It was around 1 AM, and we were walking back to my car when we passed a guy standing in the middle of the parking lot taking a piss. We glanced at him long enough to notice what he was up to, then looked away and kept walking. Then the pisser guy called out to me, "Hey, dude, sorry to disrespect your woman like this."

Here was a man with honor and great consideration for his fellow human being. Obviously.

After I let girlfriend K in the car and walked around to the driver's side door, I shouted a friendly reminder to the guy that there was a bathroom right inside the diner, not 50 yards away. I got in the car and before I'd even turned the ignition, pissboy arrived at my car door. Of course you know what he said.

"What the fuck did you just say?! Are you a fucking wiseass?!" I noticed that a girl he was with had stepped out of his Camaro and was telling him to come back and get in the car. He stayed where he was, right outside my car door.

What did I do? I got out of the car. Stupid, right? You have no idea.

Did I at least open the door real fast and hard, and knock him on his ass like they do in the movies? No. I stood up and immediately took two steps at him. I made a mental note that he flinched and moved back. I saw this as a good sign. I was exhibiting what some call "command presence," and maybe I could get out of this without a punch thrown.

He repeated his first question, so I reiterated: "I said there's a bathroom right inside. Hot and cold running water. A toilet that flushes. Everything you'd want." I was sizing him up, and I saw he was doing the same. I tried to watch his eyes while keeping his hands in my peripheral vision.

And then his friend (what?!) appears from nowhere. He's on my left side and wants to know what's going on. I never got a good look at this friend, because the very nanosecond I moved eyes left to look at him, pissboy clocked me in the center of my face. Nose shattered. At first, everything got really bright and then things went dark. My knees went out from under me and I tried to recover my eyesight, which was coated with warm blood.

I couldn't see a thing, I was down on the cement, trying to get up, and taking kicks to the head, face, and chest. I was completely at their mercy, and they didn't have any. One of them jumped on my chest and started hammering me in the face. I didn't feel anything anymore, couldn't tell up from down. I heard a girl yell, but it wasn't K. It was probably Miss Piss from the Camaro. Then I heard footsteps running toward us and hoped it was someone who could get these guys off me fast, because they didn't seem ready to quit.

The footsteps got closer and, without a single word spoken, the force and frequency of kicks and punches increased. Fresh troops had joined the fight against the poor, bleeding fuck on the parking lot cement. It got ridiculous. I was rolling from one foot to another like a soccer ball. I bounced off of parked cars, setting off all their alarms, and back into the hands and feet of the mob. I could only try to shield my face and groin.

But hold on.

I am going to share something with you now that I wish I didn't have to write. Not because it's painful or embarrassing, but rather stupid. When you read this, you will think, "Oh, come on; you had me believing the story until that part!" Trust me. This next part happened. As stupid as it sounds. As pathetically reminiscent of bad 1960s action films as it seems, it happened in real life. Mine.

One of the attackers said, "Let's finish him."

I know, I know. But remember what I said above. It happened. This was Yonkers, after all, and Rambo theatrics like that were the coin of the realm.

I don't really dwell on how close (or not) I came to being "finished." I just never wanted to go there. I just let it sit in a little place in my brain where I can pretend that a-holes like those guys weren't going to finish shit. It's better to leave it there.

Finally they went away. K came to peel me off of the ground. I was at least 50 feet from the spot where that first sucker punch dropped me. (Hey, you know what? I shouldn't weasel out like that. It wasn't a sucker punch, per se. No, I was not looking at the guy when it was thrown, but I did have some sense that a fight could happen; so I'll redact that description.) Annnywaaay, when I could finally wipe the blood out of my eyes, I could see that I was way away from where the thing started. I could also see all the diners at the window booths watching my tragedy unfold. I'm sure they saw it all. They might have heard all the yelling, but six or seven car alarms shrieking at once surely got their attention. To them, it was dinner theater. Thanks for the assistance, homies.

I remember K helping me into my car. She was trembling. Then and now, I think of how terrifying that must have been for her. I would rather take the pummeling every time rather than be the girlfriend in the car watching it all. God damn. I asked her what happened, how many guys was that? She told me there was the original two, then another of their friends came out from the back seat of the Camaro. And then four guys ran over from across the street, near the racetrack. They said, "Get him!" and joined in on the winning side of the battle. (Thanks for the assistance, homies.) Seven guys.

We went to the Lawrence Hospital ER, and hey -- they took me right away. Thinking back now, I wonder why I wasn't questioned by a cop. Maybe I was, and just can't remember. It just seems some sort of report should have been filled out or something. They would never catch the dudes, of course, but I would at least be able to read the account of it in the Police Blotter section of the Herald Statesman newspaper. That'd be a gas.

Good people in that hospital. They took great care of me. Cleaned me up, gave me pills, ice packs, heating pads, and a dark room to sleep in until the maxillary orthopedist arrived to fix my nose. I slept soundly.

Around 0900, the bone doctor walked in with my X-Rays and gave me a poke and pinch examination. He said, "Wow... someone was really trying to hurt you." (Oh? You think?) "Your nose is broken... up... and cracked back," he said, demonstrating both of these directions with the palm of his hand.

In the days of recuperation that followed, I felt less pain and more stupid. What did I do? I stepped up to a guy over nothing and got myself smeared all over a diner parking lot while my girlfriend cried, my face got broken, and my takeout got cold. Stupid. And not just because I got the snot beat out of me. On the flipside, if I'd have thrown that guy a beating instead, what would that have been for? Because he was pissing? Because he threatened me? Because he was an asshole? Jack Henry Abbott said, in short: "You are what you kill." If you waste the asshole, you're nothing but an asshole yourself.

I was a loser whichever way the blood flowed. I was a loser the instant I got out of my car. As I lay there in bed, waiting for cuts to close, bruises to fade, nasal bones to re-fuse, hospital bills to arrive, and my self-respect to return, I obsessed over my getting out of that car. A scene in one of my all-time favorite movies kept resonating in my mind.

In Apocalypse Now, Captain Willard has just listened to E2C "Chef" Hicks rant about the dangers of leaving the "safety" of their patrol boat, and he seconds the notion in a classic internal monologue: "Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right."

Today's Friday 10 loves the smell of napalm in the morning.

01 Speedy Marie - Frank Black: This is off the Teenager of the Year album, and if you don't have it, you are missing out on an amazing batch of music. It gets me every time -- how a near-perfect record like this one can be so largely unknown. This is Frank freakin' Black for god's sake! He can do no wrong and you know it. He goes in the studio and hammers everything out live with a live mix.

02 Smash It Up (Parts 1 & 2) - The Damned: There aren't many songs I listen to more than Smash It Up. In fact, if you look at my iScrobbler tracks chart, there are NO songs I've listened to more in the last two years. I've been playing this album, Machine Gun Etiquette, since I was in high school with Teddy Roosevelt. It's their third album, and marks the point where Captain Sensible took over lead guitar (after Brian James bailed) and handled a lot more of the songwriting. With MGE, the Damned made a shift in style from a dangerous-sounding, almost Stooges-like band to one that was more rowdy, kick-out-the-jams rock n' roll. This is raucous material, and this album was a big part of my teenage Friday nights.

03 The Perfect Me - Deerhoof: One of the best musical discoveries I made this year was Deerhoof's Friend Opportunity album, which this is song came off of. I have that one, and The Runners Four (from 2005) and there's not a bad track on either. Their work is hard to define and won't fit neatly into any typical genres, it's simply a treat to listen to what they do. Find them here.

04 Slow Motion - Blondie: From one of my two favorite Blondie records, Eat to the Beat. It was released in October 1979, right at the height of my pre-pubescent crush on Debbie Harry. She does things with her voice on this album that made me horny before I even knew that feeling had a name. The CDR copy I have is burned off my vinyl, like a lot my old stuff is. It's probably time to get one of the remasters on CD.

05 You're Not Blank - The Dils: The Dils were Chip and Tony Kinman from Carlsbad, CA. They released just three singles from 1977-79, and that was it. The brothers went on to form Rank and File. I like these Dils singles. I don't have the original vinyl releases, but between the Dangerhouse Records comps (1, 2) and assorted post-breakup releases I have a good handful of their output. Good left wing punk rock from SoCal.

06 The Way You Walk - Papas Fritas: Thoughtful pop music written under mostly sunny skies. I need that sometimes, and Papas Fritas is the band I turn to. The first I'd heard of them was somewhere online, when I read that Dean Wareham was a fan. So I checked into Buildings and Grounds, and was hooked. Hooked by the hooks. That one came out seven years ago. There's been nothing since, but they aren't broken up. Here's the PF website.

07 No Money - The Evens: Just the other night, I had a dream where I was allowed to be a sort of "guest DJ" in a reading lounge-type place in my apartment building. The first record cued up was a 45 by The Evens. "No Money" is on their sophomore release, last year's Get Evens. (Wow, I think I just channeled a music critic with that last sentence! <shudder>) I like them both, but I connected with The Evens a lot when it came out in 2005, and it remains my favorite. You know the backstory by now, I'm sure. The combined résumés of the two members of this band, Ian MacKaye and Amy Farina, include Minor Threat, Teen Idles, Fugazi, Embrace, Pailhead, Egg Hunt, Skewbald, The Warmers, Lois, and The All Scars. A lot of punk and indie rock history from two people.
Dept. of Sidebars: I don't know if the band name has anything to do with the people of the Russian Far East.

08 Hip Priest - The Fall: From one of the best records any music fan can own, The Fall's 1982 Hex Induction Hour. It contains some of Mark E. Smith's best, most vicious lyrics, and the band really cuts loose. The record's been all spiffed up with a remaster recently and a second disk of bonus tracks including some Peel stuff, single mixes, and live versions. If you don't order it with Amazon's 1-Click, you're taking too much time. Hurry up and get one!

09 Bloody Jack - Serge Gainsbourg: From the Initials B.B disk, a collection of duets Gainsbourg recorded with his then-girlfriend Brigitte Bardot. She's the B.B. A couple weeks ago, with a lot of other things to do, I was ambushed by my A.D.D. and found myself typing "infamous" into the YouTube search box. One of the cool things I found was this 1986 clip of Serge Gainsbourg on live French TV with Whitney Houston.

"No. I said I want to fuck her."

10 Blue Spark - X: Great song from the great ones. That riff just blows by like a freight train. I have my Selachimorpha-obsessed three-year-old son convinced that the lyric is actually, "Blu-u-u-e sha-arrrk... shark!" So now we listen to it together all the time. It is from, of course, the got-to-have-it-in-your-collection, Under The Big Black Sun.

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I give and I give and I give to you people... Now give back: Put your mp3 player or digital jukebox on "shuffle all songs" and let us know (in the comments section) the first ten random songs out the chute.

[posted with ecto]

Comments

[Nick]

that hurt to read. Seems like an understatement and slightly missing the point to say "ouch". But...ouch!

Here's my Friday Ten, and by the way, Rick Ankiel is back!

1. Hey Mr. Rain (Version 2)- Velvet Underground-Another View
2. Let the Bells Ring- Nick Cave- Abbotair Blues
3. Drowned World/Substitute for Love-Madonna-Ray of Light
4. Robot- Futureheads-Futureheads
5. Stay (remix)- Bowie- Station-to-Station "Bowie in Space!"
6. Son of a Gun- Lee Hazlewood-
7. The Messengers- Bad Brains-Quickness
8. Something Must Break- Joy Division- Heart and Soul
9. I Zimbra- Talking Heads-
10. Na Na Na Na Naa- The Kaiser Chiefs- Employment

[Tim]

Let me preface by saying I left my relatively new video Ipod on the 6:58 pm Metro North Train out of GCT a few months back. So I'm using my shuffle which seriously cuts into my audio ammunition. Needless to say, my Ipod wasn't turned into the Lost and Found. Bummer.

10-"Daddy Never Understood"-Deluxx Folk Implosion.
From the KIDS Soundtrack. Always loved this song. Stripped down, lo-fi mid90's punk with some unexpetcted strings near the end of the track. Song has to be under 2 minutes. (couldn't tell you exact length because I'm listening on a Shuffle!)
I just re-watched KIDS the other day and I still think the film holds up. The really weird part of all of this is how viewing the Park "beatdown" scene is still so powerful an senseless. Really weird with how I was thinking about that scene while walking crosstown today, only to find your above entry. KIDS hit theatres in '95. They shot it in '94, the same year you got jumped. Sign of the times....

9-Intervention-Arcade Fire
Man I hate this album. I figured it would grow on me but with the exception of "Windowsill" I think its bunk. Hate the production and Regine's vox bother me. Plus she thinks she's all cool because she's playing a hurdygurdy on "Keep The Car Running." Screw Canada.

8-"No Pun Intended"-The Hives
Love the album Tyrannosurus Hives.
Love the guitar and loose hi-hats.
The perfect song for a fast-paced title sequence for a film..

7-"Natural Mystic"-Bob Marley
"There's a natural mystic blowing through the air If you listen carefully now you will hear."
I honestly dont' hear shit Bob, but I dig this song.

6-"Tarantula"-Smashing Pumpkins
Had to give it a chance. I really wanted to like the new album.
Kind of like this track. Different mix for bald Billy.
Jimmy Chamberlain still bashes.
Album is weak though.

5-"Spoiled" -Sebadoh
Another from KIDS soundtrack. Haunting
Worked well in the film.

4-"Don't Take Me For Granted"-Social D

3-1/2-Brian Eno
From "Music For Airports"
I put this album on specifically for my commute in on the train in the morning. Good background for reading the papers.
Mellows me out. Kind of melts me into the seat.

2-"Cowboy Song"
Supersuckers covering the mighty Thin Lizzy.
Live version. good stuff

1-"Five Years"-Bowie
First track on "Rise and Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars"
Love this one. Fantastic record.

[the mrs.]

1. nothing much happens=ben lee
2. soul meets body=deathcab for cutie
3. astronaut=luna
4. sweedeedee=cat power
5. keep the car running=arcade fire
6. long distance call=david gray
7. white riot=the clash
8. moving out=mercury rev
9. colors and the kids=cat power
10. time=luna

i think my ipod is feeling uninspired lately.

[Heath]

Before my 10, let me state that I, too, was beaten by a gang. What a wonderful thing to have in common! Mine was a Long Island Crack Posse, in Farmingville, and they descended on my friends and I like locusts. Beat my head with a baseball bat and shattered my Mom's Hyundai windshield. Good times. And so,

1) Fela Kuti - Witchcraft - The '69 Los Angeles Sessions.
Frenetic and manic, and makes me move. Fela was an amazing character. Along with being the African James Brown, he seceded from Africa and declared his compound an independent country. And was beaten to death for it.
2) Charcoal Blues - Wayne Shorter - Night Dreamer.
Wayne is my all time favorite musician. It is all weirdness and beauty. This tune is so regal, so smooth. In my Lifetime Top 10.
3) Sabotage - The Beastie Boys - Ill Communication.
My favorite album from them, the one I feel has the most musicianship. The song still fires me up.
4) Power of Love - Jimi Hendrix - Band of Gypsys.
"With the power, of Soul, anything is possible...". Man, this blues trio makes me feel good and filthy.
5) The Same Boy You've Always Known - The White Stripes.
I really, really like this. And it IS pretty tough to think about the beginning of December.
6) Sometimes - James Brown - Hell.
Classic R & B. Like china silk, this tune. So much passion, character, and tone. "Sometimes... I've got to meet you on the dark side of the street..."
7) You Don't Know What Love Is - John Coltrane - Ballads.
Whew. This song has been with me since I was 13. It is rainy-day perfection and brings tears and reflection to my heart in an instant. God, I think this may be the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
8) Friends - Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin III.
Wonderful use of strings on this tune!
"Mmm, I'm telling you now, The greatest thing you ever can do now, Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now, It's very easy just... So anytime somebody needs you, don't let them down, although it grieves you, Some day you'll need someone like they do, looking for what you knew."
9) The Dream of the Blue Turtles - Sting - (Album Title).
Funky Jazz thing. Fun and rang-y.
10) Quick and To The Pointless - Queens of the Stone Age - Rated R.
Awesomely awesome. I can vividly picture succubi in cheerleader outfits singing "Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!". This tune is so much fun.

[so'c]

Tommy your story was EXACTLY the opposite of The Bourne Ultimatum. Last week I saw the film and had the pleasure to be sitting behind something that I never thought was possible – two guys who REALLY like the Jason Borne character.

Jason punched a bad guy in the throat and these guys looked at each other and screamed, “YES!” as though there was a chance he wasn’t going to win or like they’ve never seen Bourne hit a bad guy before. This of course was followed by a high-5 and the arm out, fist clenched, then pull that arm back to you, elbow bent – a.k.a. The Big Time Booya.

Can’t wait to sit behind these guys at Rush Hour 3 when they’re amazed at how Jackie Chan gets out of a tough jam using only a broom, chair and curtains…”YES!”

So I’m using my home computer today which means my shuffle includes 16,363 songs.

1. I Wanna Destroy You - The Soft Boys (Wow, how very fitting after reading Tommy’s tale.)

2. Spanish Bombs - The Clash

3. I’m Coming Over (Live From Masque) – X

4. Bad Or Good - Van Morrison

5. It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas – Bing Crosby (Like I said 16,363 songs. I hate ‘Christmas music’ and by that I mean the same 4 songs you hear while shopping for people that you’re obligated to buy gifts for – a.k.a. non-immediate family members. This is one of those songs, but if anyone should sing it, it should be Bing. 3 years ago I decided to make my own Holiday mix so I could take some control during the Holiday visit home to Boston. There’s only just so much ‘Johnny Mathis Christmas Covers’ I can take. Bing mage the playlist for the simple fact that when I played Loretta Lynn’s ‘Country Christmas’ I had an answer to this, “Play some fahkin real hall-a-day music you fahk.” I love you too Mom.)
6. Shake Your Hips – The Rolling Stones

7. Bad Girls – The New York Dolls

8. Break My Body – Pixies

9. Oh Caroline – Cheap Trick

10. Old Pervert – The Soft Boys (Ha! Wonderful bookend to my F10)

[Tommy Himself]

There are some great tracks up there.

Nick - your F10 seems like it was following a course.

Tim & The Mrs - you guys need to talk. or should I separate you two?

Heath - that's a hot-snot JB song, man. sorry to hear about the beatdown. those must have been the toughest crack addicts in the world!

SOC - "The Big-Time Booyah" is your greatest in a hall of fame career of coining great phrases.

[walein]

That's why I don't take girls on "dates."

1) "I Drove All Night"--Cyndi Lauper version. I wasn't a big fan of Lauper when I was young...probably because she was a girl who had cooties and her dad was Captain Lou Albano. This was one of the first songs I ever remember listened to her sing where I consciously realized what a great voice she has.

2) "That's Where It's At"--Sam Cooke. This song is soooo good.

3) "Games Without Frontiers"--Peter Gabriel. This one keeps on coming up of late in the shuffle.

4) "Shakey Dog"--Ghostface Killa. The album is Fishscale. It has two of the greatest songs on it. The above and another called "The Champ."

5) "Jesus Gave Me Water"--Sam Cooke. I have alot of Cooke on my ipod.

6) "Where is My mind"--Pixies.

7) "Mercy Street"--Peter Gabriel.

8) "Forever Young"--Bob Dylan. I think I actually like the Rod Stewart version better and I don't particularly like Rod Stewart.

9) "I can't see nobody"--Nina Simone. I have a bunch of regular Simone but this is the version from that recently released remix album that sucks "big-time booyah" butt. However, this particular song is remixed least offensively of all.

10) "If I was your girlfriend"--Prince.

[TT]

I got nothing witty tonight. But here's my 10:

1. Derelict - Beck (just today figured out he's singing "derelict". Weak, I know)
2. Bye Bye Johnny - Chuck Berry (a sequel that shouldn't have been?)
3. Filipino Box Spring Hog - Tom Waits (made me kinda hungry this morning)
4. Try Me - James Brown (if I'd found this song in high school, I'd have scored with all the chicks)
5. Behind the Wall of Sleep - Smithereens (found this one in high school, but it didn't help with the chicks)
6. Lifetime Piling Up - Talking Heads
7. Wait - Death Cab for Cutie (I kinda want Ben to just suck it up sometimes. For the record, he would not have gotten out of the car)
8. Maggie's Farm - The Specials
9. Photographer - The Pretty Things (these guys were a big influence on the band my dad was in, so I dig them)
10. Crimson and Clover - Tommy James and The Shondells (great way to end)