the sticking point

You Know?

I'm watching the Yankees postgame wrapup show on YES, and I am -- again -- curious about why Hideki Matsui still needs a translator. He's been here an awful long time to still need it. The translator is even translating the questions, not just Matsui's answers.

But that's one thing.

The other is the fact that Matsui's translator suffers from You Know Disease. Here's are translations of two of H.M.'s answers tonight:

"Yeah, you know, I mean, as a Yankee, you know, player... of the Yankees, I think it's, you know, I mean, it's like, the greatest moment, you know, to be able to do a curtain call."

"You know, I mean, regardless of what's going on, you know, with the game... you know, there's kind of like a sense that, you know, regardless of what happens... that, uh... you know, somehow, you know, we're gonna come out, you know, on the winning side."

Wow. Now, assuming that Matsui is not actually saying all those you knows (because why would the translator repeat them?), I can't understand this at all. Phrases like "you know," and "I mean," and the word "like," are like aural commas in a conversation. They act as cues that the speaker has more words to come... as soon as he thinks of them. It's like me telling you, you know, I have more to say, so don't stop listening yet. I am, you know, trying to choose the right, you know, words.

But why does a translator need to do this? That's a really bad habit, if you turn "I just want to go out and play my game. I'm not looking at the stats or the numbers. All I care about is that we win ballgames" into:

"I just want to, you know... go and and play my game. I mean, you know, I'm not looking at the, you know... stats...."

Is this guy even translating? Or is he making it up as he goes along?

[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: Someday from the album Is This It? by Strokes, The

Simplicity

I have the Black Flag bars tattooed on the back of my neck. So why is it taking three weeks of internal debate to decide whether I should put an SST Records sticker on my iBook?

Several weeks ago, H sustained his first serious injury. After a face vs. windowsill showdown, my son came up with a gash near the corner of his eye and the most horrific shiner. It was damn hard to seem him with his face battered as it was. He hung in there, though, unperturbed by it. He had a hell of a good August up on Cape Cod with two of his cousins.

Apropos of nothing, for the last couple days, he's been saying something that sounds very much like "Barbara Turner."

The President is scheduled to make a 9/11-related address during prime time Monday night. I don't want to hear it.

It's been tough to sleep lately. My head has been a roomful of nightmares.

Shuffle all songs. Today's Friday 10... Keeping it simple, stupid.
01 The Commercial - Wire: I could listen to them anytime. All the bands we love have covered Wire.
02 Makes No Sense At All - Husker Du: I was thinking the other day: NO ONE else sounds like Husker Du. Every band has at least one other band in the world that has a similar sound. But not the Huskers.
03 Why Do I Always Want You - Saw Doctors: You can send anyone you know to a Saw Doctors show, and they'll dig it.
04 Padded Cell - Black Flag: This was the scorching demo, with Dez Cadena singing.
05 Baba O'Riley - The Who: Hey! Is it too late to ask -- what does the title mean?
06 All The Little Pieces - Louis XIV: This sounds like Bowie singing an outtake from Abbey Road. You'd think that'd be great, right?
07 Shine On Brightly - Procol Harum: There's a little prog-rock freak who lives inside me. He loves the only-in-the-60s phasing on this song.
08 World Destruction - Time Zone: John Lydon made far more interesting music post-Pistols. My P.I.L. records are treasures.
09 Watching The Detectives (L) - Elvis Costello & The Attractions: Live from Beverly Hills High in 1978.
10 Waitress in the Sky - Replacements: I once read that it was about Chris Mars's sister, stewardess flight attendant.

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[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: Skinner from the album Times Ain't Like They Used To Be: Early American Rural Music by Holmes, Winston & Charlie Turner

Our Third Pet Can Go F*ck Himself

Today, while doing what I do every Saturday afternoon -- Google searching for nude photos of Jeanne Zelasko -- I found something even more sickly seductive. The "personal web page" of her husband, sports anchor Curt Sandoval. It is simple and it's cheesy, in a "look at me, publishing on the InterWeb" / Koolgrrrl's Guide To Life!!! sort of way.

My favorite line: "Two of our three pets fit the sports theme."

Also? C-Sand is the kind of guy who writes "would of." As in, "...they would of gone broke..."

Really? Would they of?

Awesome.

[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: Catch Me Now I'm Falling (Original Extended Edit) from the album Low Budget by Kinks, The

What's Wrong With FOX Sports?!

It's not just that Tim McCarver is a douche or that Joe Buck isn't much better. Or that Tim McCarver is a douche. I'm watching the Yanks/Mets game on FOX, and I am growing tired of Buck and McDouche blaming the slow pace of the game on the starting pitchers. The "pace" wouldn't bother anyone if FOX hadn't already delayed the game's first pitch to 25 minutes past the hour -- so's they can cram more commercials in before that much-viewed first inning -- or squeeze an extra minute of commercials in between innings, turning a two-hour-forty-minute game into a four-hour TV broadcast. When you're in the stadium for a game that's being aired on FOX, you'll actually see the players and the umpires waiting for the back-from-commercial signal to start the inning. Don't blame the players.

McCarver: "Third basemen are making that play much more numerously than they have in the past."

McCarver: "The Yankees probably need to [acquire more than just one pitcher] to put them over the hill."

Even worse are the stat graphics they throw onto the screen. Who's behind those gems? While belaboring the fact that the American League has been dominating the National League for years in interleague play, the World Series, and the All-Star Game ("which you can watch again this year on FOX!"), a statistic showed up on screen to inform us that the AL is 6-3 in the World Series since 1997.

Oh yeah? That's dominant?! Let's no one tell the FOX producers that the AL is 10-4 since 1991.

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As always, enjoy Shut Up Tim McCarver.

[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: On Solids from the album Buzzkunst by Shelley / Devoto

Bonds on Bonds

Holy crap. Now that they're airing this weekly pity-fest, trusting ESPN to bring you an unbiased presentation of the facts related to the Barry Bonds steroids and perjury issues is like trusting Tony Snow to tell you what the Bush administration is really up to.

[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: Spit 'n Shit from the album Corpse Love - The First Year by Pussy Galore

And Another Thing...

Think ESPN gives a shit about sports fans or the sports it covers? Think again. If tonight's Sox-Tribe game had been played when it should have been played -- at 2pm central time, it wouldn't be in the middle of a 2+ hour rain delay right now. What a fucking joke: rain aside, it's April in Chicago, why wasn't this an afternoon game anyway?!

Thanks, ESPN. Thanks for forcing MLB start times to get the biggest bang on the advertising buck. All those White Sox fans who paid a bundle for opening day tickets the minute they went on sale, to be there when their team plays its first game as World Champions can just go home and scratch their asses until the makeup. And a few million baseball fans who look forward to this day for months can wait longer.

Monday Morning Update: Well, they played it out, which diminishes some of what I wrote above. But still.

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[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: “Burning” from the album 13 Songs by Fugazi 

Our Old Friend, The F10

It's back.

Pure, unadulterated, Friday 10.

01 Pirate Love - The Heartbreakers: There are three different versions of this Heartbreakers song on my iPod. The one I heard today is the best one, the one from the “lost mixes” edition of L.A.M.F. that came out a few years back. Check out “Pirate Love” if you can. It's simple and fun and stands as a great definition of the rock and roll sound. This is the sound of a bar band that only exists in your mind. Except Thunders and the Heartbreakers existed, they were out there. Amazing. The version of this song on L.A.M.F. is my favorite. There's a long and loose version on the Max's Kansas City album, but this is the one for me. There's a story told by Chris Musto (of the Oddballs) that at one show, Thunders was more in the mood to entertain than play, and he asked the audience to guess where he “ripped off” each of the songs from. This one, he claimed, was nicked from Bad Company.

02 Virginia Avenue - Tom Waits: I don't have to tell you anything about Tom Waits. You know he's genius. My earliest memory of him was watching him on SNL when I was a boy (and shouldn't have been up that late -- not even on a Saturday). Man, was I stunned. I didn't know what to make of this guy. He was sitting at a piano and smoking a cigarette while he played. His voice sounded to me like he'd swallowed poison. For some reason, I didn't change the channel over to wrestling on channel 9. I watched this Tom Waits guy sing his song about love or booze or the blues or all three and had enough sense in my stupid head to know that he was singing about something so real I couldn't even understand it yet.

“Virginia Avenue” is from Closing Time, one of the best in a huge catalog of great Waits albums. I listen to that CD all the time.

I just searched around the so-called Internet, and found that Waits was on SNL on April 9, 1977. I was ten years old. The host that night was Julian Bond. Who?

03 Three MCs and One DJ - Beastie Boys: I heard a live version from the Roskilde '98 bootleg StereoMic hooked me up with a couple years ago. I have about a dozen Beasties bootlegs and demos disks that I like, but this Roskilde show is amazing.

04 Pretty Vacant - Sex Pistols: I heard the demo version from Spunk. This collection is not hard to find and thoroughly worth having, as some of the tracks are actually far superior performances than the standard issue versions. You can get it bundled with the Bollocks disk, but it'll cost you. But why wouldn't you spend so much money on them? They are unwilling Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees, for Christ's sake! Oh, and also? Read the Lydon autobiography. It's finally back in print and easy to find. I read it a couple months ago and loved it. He's got stories to tell and scores to settle. And he does. (Did -- it was written a while back.)

05 Under The Gun - Circle Jerks: Every genre has its four or five singers that just define the music, and Keith Morris is one of the standouts in L.A. punk. Amazing voice. Well, let's say amazing vocal performances. I've been listening to Golden Shower of Hits (which this song comes from) a lot lately. So many great songs on that one, ands it was probably the best CJ lineup in their history. Somewhere, in my shelves of vinyl there is an old SPIN (magazine) radio show with four vinyl sides of a Circle Jerks concert from 1986. I have to dig that out and burn it to CDR. I haven't heard it in about 15 years.

06 I Must Not Think Bad Thoughts - X: This is another song that appears on my iPod in about 4 different versions. This is the great one, from the More Fun in the New World record. What an amazing album; it's the one I usually tell folks new to the almighty X to begin with. “Make The Music Go Bang,” “Breathless,” “Devil Doll,” “True Love, Pt. 2,” “Bad Thoughts” -- who can't get their brains around all that great music?!
Today, I learned that John Doe is playing a show here in New York next week. I bought a ticket for it as fast as my Internet connection allowed.

07 Working for the Man - PJ Harvey: This is from her album To Bring You My Love. It's the only one of hers I have, but I've heard all the others. I think it's all great stuff, she's amazing, but there's something about the production work on TBYML that makes it my favorite.

08 Where Does It Lead? - Miriam Makeba: From The Magic of Miriam Makeba. She's one of those artists you wish you could go to college and major in. At least I do. The Pata Pata cd is great, as is Africa and Sangoma. Makeba was married to Hugh Masakela AND Stokely Carmichael. In 1959, she walked onstage for a guest appearance at a Harry Belafonte concert at Carnegie Hall, and the double album of the show won a Grammy. I can't say much more than to just write that I am in awe of her. Here's some info: http://zar.co.za/miriam.htm.

09 Nervous Breakdown - Keith Morris: Oh, yeah -- the sonic jihad of another Keith Morris vocal! This is the version that he did a few years ago, backed up by Rollins Band (Mother Superior) for the West Memphis 3 CD.

10 Let's Go - The Ramones: Pleasant Dreams, Too Tough To Die, and End of the Century are three incredibly underrated Ramones albums if you ask me. In the 80s, I listened to those three more than I listened to the classic first three. This song is from End of the Century, the album that people either love because the songs are amazing, or hate because Phil Specter produced it. Why was Joey Ramone a respected punk rock vocalist? Listen to “Let's Go.”

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DIY: put your mp3 player of choice on “shuffle all songs,” and let us know the first 10 songs out the chute.

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“Swiss Fudge Cookies, sudoko, and the Friday 10 are all I really need these days.”
-- Christine Baranski

[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: “Make The Music Go Bang” from the album More Fun In The New World by X

Eddie Griffin is a misinformed tool.

And I hope he's never booked on Real Time again.

[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: “Mercenaries” from the album Negative Trend EP by Negative Trend

Fleabit Peanut Monkey

This came to me courtesy of Brian Last Stop...
CBS has put Love Monkey on hiatus. Good call. I'm here if you want my help, CBS. As I've said, just give me 10 weeks with Tom Cavanagh and Judy Greer and a production staff of my choosing, and I'll retool that show into a smart, subtle comedic exploration of urban romance in the world of the New York music business.

[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: “Korn Ring Finger” from the album Safe As Milk by Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band

If You Can't Rock Me

Alright. The Rolling Stones are on TV right now. It's good to see them get some television coverage. Man, they sound good. Ron and Keith are peeling off some wickedly sharp riffs. It's shocking.

They sound good, that is, with the exception of farcical scareclown, Mick Jagger. Though he seems to remember the lyrics, he doesn't seem to know what they mean. After singing these songs onstage for so many years, he can practically sleepwalk through his performance. He doesn't even bother to suck enough air into his lungs for the first four syllables of a line, but as long as he can shuffle around in that laughable strut, and do that thing with his arms that looks like he's pushing them through sleeves that are eleven inches too long, he never even has to wake up.

I never much cared for “Start Me Up,” but I'm still surprised how “Rough Justice” sounds better tonight than even “Satisfaction” did.

I know the network is probably going to be very careful about such things, but maybe we'll see one of Charlie Watts's tits at the end of this!

[posted with ecto]

On iTunes right now: “I Don't Need You” from the album Raw Deal! by Acme Sewage Co.